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Santa Monica, CA :Brad and Jen split after five years of seemingly blissful marriage. Speculation rages over how long Britney and Kevin (who just entered the less-than-sexy world of new parenthood) and Tom and Katie (whose relationship seems a bit too, well, intense) will last. Call it Tabloid Love. It’s sudden. Sexy. Superheated. Short-lived. And, all of us watching such relationships explode and fizzle from our grocery store lines and living room sofas should learn a thing or two.
So how does one begin? Well, here are just a few of Susan’s many suggestions excerpted from The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love:
Expand the purpose of your relationship. As I see it, a relationship has two important purposes--a Practical Purpose and a Higher Purpose. The Practical Purpose of a relationship is to have someone with whom to share our lives. Traveling the road together can be a joyous experience. But sometimes problems with money, sex, children, work, and the like can make the journey together very difficult. It is for this reason that we need to have a Higher Purpose. The Higher Purpose of a relationship is to learn how to become a more loving person--despite what problems come up. It is our using all the problems as a vehicle for seeing what we need to work on within ourselves to keep love in our hearts. In this way, problems become a plus instead of a minus. We learn, we grow, we are filled with creativity, we take responsibility, we feel strong, and we ultimately experience the exquisite beauty of Real Love.
· Pick up the mirror instead of the magnifying glass. What does that mean? The magnifying glass represents our symbolically pointing a finger and blaming our mates for our unhappiness. The mirror represents looking inward and taking responsibility, not only for our actions, but also for our REACTIONS to what is going on in the relationship. The mirror is self-awareness, and self-awareness is the first step toward positive change.
Become the mate you want your mate to be. First make a list of all the characteristics you want your mate to have. It could look like this: loving, thoughtful, warm, considerate, caring, appreciative, romantic, generous. Now for the big challenge . . . pick up the mirror and begin developing these qualities in yourself. You may be someone who resists this challenge. But
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